I start this post sitting in a restaurant as a solo female diner. I have done this dozens of times before yet each time provides a new source of entertainment. In fact, had I not been a solo diner at a restaurant we really liked in DC, we would never have noticed that it was quite the same-sex date spot.  As the Seinfeld episode repeated: “Not that there is anything wrong with that” but only when you are a solo female diner who is not staring into your beloved’s eyes, you notice that there are few other female diners and they are not accompanied by male diners.  The male diners are busy holding hands with other male diners.  Endless people watching opportunities!

I remember that in high school I had a near crippling fear of being alone. I can’t remember when or why that changed but I do have distinct memories of going to lunch at the Magic Pan in the Burlington Mall ALONE (loved the split pea soup – it had sherry in it!) before going to the movies ALONE. That was the ultimate embarrassment – going to the movies by yourself. On one hand, it shouldn’t have mattered: it’s dark and after about 10 minutes no one remembers or cares that you came in by yourself. But the awkward teenager merely recalls that they couldn’t even get someone to sit in the dark near them. (Movies would have a breathy voice saying “loser” at this juncture.)

Since then I have been on  countless business trips which have required that I either ate alone or starved.  Admittedly there have been times when carry out in my hotel room was the best option but those evenings have been in the minority. Most have been similar to tonight’s adventure.

Walk into a respectable restaurant that won’t break the per diem but has been thoroughly vetted on Yelp and Urbanspoon before entry.  Ask for a table for one.  Smile inwardly at the teenage hostess’s unconcealed horror that you have to eat alone (insert variation of “poor thing” comment here).  Be seated at the least embarrassing place they have to offer – usually near the kitchen or a door where no one will see that you couldn’t get a date. Explain to the waiter that, no, you are not waiting for someone and, yes, he can take the other place setting.  Order a glass of wine (tonight it was Hess Chardonnay, very nice). Wave off the bread (first sign that you are a trouble maker – it’s the Bay area and it’s sourdough… what is up with you lady?) Watch people get seated around you.  Note who seems to pity the poor middle aged woman sitting by herself.  (Not many BTW, most folks are completely self absorbed.) Order a nice dinner (mesquite grilled sole, roasted veggies and fingerling potatoes).  Watch the entertainment around you.

Not having a dinner companion in whom you have a great deal of interest, solo diners can observe the humanity around them. (Note to self:  there’s got to be NSF research money in this.  Look into it upon return to KC.)  I watched the “Particular Four” – a group of 3 men and a woman who sat at no fewer than 4 tables before they decided the last table was the right one for them.  (These were all within one dining room and no more than 10 feet from each other. I couldn’t see what one had to offer over the other but then I was the loser without a date.) I overheard the conversation that the two female friends at the table next to me were carrying on – until they weren’t.  Apparently one was hispanic, or native enough in Spanish that when the Spanish-speaking waiter appeared, she felt the need to converse extensively with him in Spanish.  Her dinner companion obviously did NOT speak Spanish and was left staring into space and trying not to suck down her martini-type drink while the conversation swirled around her.  I don’t claim to speak Spanish in any way that would be useful but I do understand enough to know that she was being a PITA (pain in the ass).

I watched groups greet each other enthusiastically and couples sit quietly, some in the comfortable silence that comes with deep understanding and some with that uncomfortable “holy shit now what do we talk about” that signals deeper problems.  I watched attendees at an apparent business dinner get “friendlier” as the waitstaff brought out more alcohol.  If I had stayed longer I would have started taking bets as to who would not make it to work on time tomorrow.

But alas my sociology experiment, I mean dinner, had come to an end so it’s back to the hotel to do some work and get ready for tomorrow’s meetings where I won’t be alone and I hope that I won’t wish that I was.